Mightily Oats has not picked a good time to be a priest. He thought he'd come to the mountain kingdom of Lancre for a simple little religious ceremony. Now he's caught up in a war between vampires and witches, and he's not sure there is a right side.

There're the witches - young Agnes, who is really in two minds about everything; Magrat, who is trying to combine witchcraft and nappies, Nanny Ogg, who is far too knowing,.. and Granny Weatherwax, who is big trouble.

And the vampires are intelligent - not easily got rid of with a garlic enema or by going to the window, grasping the curtains and saying, "I don't know about you, but isn't it a bit stuffy in here?" They've got style and fancy waistcoats. They're out of the casket and want a bite of the future.

Mightily Oats knows he has a prayer, but he wishes he had an axe.